I am an idea person. I can come up with all kinds of crazy things, but I fail on delivery. Sometimes, anyway. I usually need to be inspired to continue on and I’m often discouraged by what I come up with. Not that my ideas aren’t good or anything of that nature, but it’s I’m such a chicken-s**t about failure, I give up on myself. It’s a constant problem I’ve been trying to duck since I was little.
I’m nowhere near as bad about it as I was a few years ago, thanks to therapy. It’s really hard to overcome on your own. Hell, I’d have to even go as far as saying it’s improbable. And even after those years, I’m still not quite there in the self-confidence department. It’s a work in progress, but hey, life is that anyway, right?
Though I’m not an expert on the matter, I’ve been there. I understand it. I live it on a daily basis. All I can do is try to work on it. It’s an internal struggle, but it’s not something you have to deal with alone.
A Guide to Fortifying your Self-Esteem by EricaB
I’m not going to lie; this s**t is hard. You’re not going to believe any of it. You’ll resist it. Luckily, in time, you’ll begin to accept that you’re full of Awesomeosity. At first it will only be a fleeting realization. With patience and practice, there will be more days of feeling the Awesomeosity than the Other Crap you feel about yourself until one day we’ll only have the A.
1.) That Voice in your head telling you that you suck isn’t yours. When I was in my teens, I lived with a very bad influence. My mom’s boyfriend was a jerk to me. He belittled me, made me feel everything I did was wrong. . .that I was a burden. He told me I smelled bad and no one would ever love me. All these gut-kicking things took a toll on me. I thought I was a worthless heap not worthy of anything.
Proving him otherwise almost got me into trouble a couple of times and almost ruined some of my
personal relationships. In the doing, I never felt better about myself. I always saw myself as the worthless girl he made me out to be.
Eventually, he was gone. I mean gone gone. For a moment, knowing this person who hurt me so deeply was no longer with us made me feel better. The burden lifted from my shoulders, if only for a moment. I started to finally feel a little better about myself and who I am.
But the voice remained. His voice. That nagging P.O.S voice always waiting to bring me down. To hurt me. Reminding me of all my flaws. I couldn’t shake it for the longest time and as long as it stuck around, I wouldn’t ever amount to anything simply because he wouldn’t let me.
It seriously sucks. It’s like running on a treadmill–no matter how fast you go, you’re still in the same spot. However, you can escape the voice.
Replace the Voice with Yours. What I personally had to wind up doing was kind of talking to myself. I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not crazy cuz I don’t answer back. Usually.
This is what I do now: when the negative thoughts hit, I say “Bitch, please! That worthless P.O.S. talking about you was in fact, a P.O.S. You’re good. You’re better than good. You’re f*cking fantastic.” Now, this won’t work all by itself. According to Psychology Today, those who have low self-esteem continue to mentally cock-block themselves even with positive affirmations. You’re not always going to think good thoughts. Hell, it might even be better when you allow yourself a dark moment or two. Burying the negative doesn’t exactly bring out the positive.
Though, for me, I feel a self-boost helps drown out the bad Voice allowing me to move forward.
2.) Pretending it didn’t happen only makes it happen more in your head. More often than not, I used to bury all of my experience and the negative thoughts around them. If I think they didn’t happen, they didn’t, right? Not even a little. The more I tried to push my thoughts/memories/feelings aside, the worse they became. They were ghosts always lingering in my mind and when they decided to attack, they hurt even worse than before. And, of course, I always blamed myself for these experiences. Somehow, I brought it on myself. Maybe I did smell bad. Maybe I did have a bad personality so no one could love me.
Remember, what’s done is done so learn from it. Life can be full of unfortunate circumstances and you can’t change them or pretend they weren’t happening. You also can’t blame yourself for what has been thrown at you. You can choose to live beyond them.
You don’t have to forgive and forget, either. Forgiveness takes time and it takes effort on the other person’s behalf. Make sure if you’re burying the hatchet, it’s not because you don’t want to deal with how it hurts. That will come back to haunt you as well.
3.) Other people like you, so enjoy it. One of the biggest hurtles I had to jump was accepting others liked me. I mean, bad Voice always told me how worthless I was, so how could people actually like me?
Believe It! The people around you wouldn’t lie about this. In fact, if you sucked as much as you think you do, they wouldn’t be around you.
4.) You don’t have to do this on your own. Seriously.
You have friends. You have family. Hell, you have me. This isn’t some road you have to travel down all by your lonesome. And if you need professional help, there is not a single thing wrong about that. If nothing else, it feels so incredibly good to express yourself to someone unbiased. That being said, make sure you get the right professional. Sometimes a person does a job just for the money and their help will be absolutely worthless.
If you, or someone you know is in crisis, please seek help immediately. Contact the following organizations for information about 24-hour crisis services in your area:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s 24 hour toll-free crisis hotline, 1.800.273.TALK (1.800.273.8255) can put you into contact with your local crisis center that can tell you where to seek immediate help in your area.
The Child-Help USA 1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453) crisis line assists both child and adult survivors of abuse, including sexual abuse. The hotline, staffed by mental health professionals, also provides treatment referrals.
In areas where 211 is available, dialing this number can connect you with mental health crisis services in your area or help you find where to seek immediate help in your area.
5.) Put all the angst to good use in a hobby. Now, you can’t push how you feel aside. You should get help if you need it. While you’re doing that, but all the negativity to good use for you. All the upset energy I have has been going into my writing. Either here on my blog or on the novel I’m working on. Writing is a great way to express how you’re feeling. Like this post. I don’t talk about that asshole too often anymore (it’s a self preservation kind of thing), but writing it out and sharing the experiences makes me feel so damn good.
Not a writer? Fine! Paint something. Not an artist? Sing about it. Just find something to help let it out. You’ll feel so much better afterwards. Of course, just talking it out would work, too.
Yes, you are awesome, my friend. If you haven’t figured it out for yourself, it will come to you soon enough. Never let another person tear you down. You deserve better. No, you know what, you are better. Let you shine. I believe in you. Always.
Now let me play you out, buddy 😉
(Yeah, I don’t know either…)